Eliminating the stress of 'Hallway Huddles' in hospitals

The Hallway Huddle. It’s a common phenomenon in hospitals, where distraught family members frantically gather outside a loved one's hospital room to discuss things that should have been agreed upon much earlier — when minds were clear and time was plentiful. These incredibly stressful situations can and should be avoided. 

I certainly respect that end-of-life issues are challenging to discuss. Still, if we ignore our mortality and avoid these essential conversations, so much negativity can result. As a seasoned death doula, I can attest to the fact that so many of these conversations aren’t happening early enough, if they’re happening at all. 

It’s common knowledge that planning ahead is wise. Life is less complicated when we are organized. We plan birthdays, weddings, vacations, and medical procedures. However, only about half of the adult population in Canada has a valid and current will. 

Girl Guides and Boy Scouts are given badges for being prepared, yet millions of adults have a common blind spot, causing them to miss the mark, with many ripple effects. End-of-life planning reduces the stress of aging, and the process tends to leave survivors more financially and emotionally resilient. 

When we plan for death, those we leave behind are more likely to get along and less likely to contest final wishes. This naturally results in more meaningful legacies and often benefits charities due to the significant tax incentives. Courts are relieved from dealing with so many unorganized estates, and the economy improves — it’s a massive win for everyone.

Many of you reading this can attest to the importance of having a Power of Attorney/medical directive in place. Having a substitute decision-maker available to speak for us if we cannot communicate makes it so much easier for loved ones and healthcare professionals. There is absolutely no downside to any of this.

I realize these end-of-life issues have plagued society for a very long time. Our world deserves better, though. Thankfully, a growing number of people are stressing the numerous benefits of proactively addressing these unavoidable issues. I’m hopeful that some sort of political support will help elevate this Death Positive Movement. We could certainly use the boost.

End-of-life planning often relates to financial issues, and with Financial Literacy Month in Canada coming in November, this needs to be stressed. CPA Canada conducted an extensive survey revealing that “Canadians are largely not prepared to manage the money they inherit.” As a Certifed Financial Planner, I couldn’t agree more. The stakes for families are enormous.

Regardless of the size of one’s bank account, leaving our loved ones in a position of strength is essential. At a minimum, they should know what you want done with your body, who is to be in charge of wrapping up your life, and where to find everything, including login credentials.

The only way to specify who is to be in charge is to have a valid will. It does not have to be expensive, but it does have to be acceptable by a court of law. Online will-making platforms can be effective in basic situations, but it’s imperative that the resulting document be accepted by the court in your province or territory. Engaging an estate planning lawyer is best.

Having consulted with hundreds of people regarding end-of-life issues, I’ve created a brief five-question Living Legacy Quiz to help people determine if they are missing anything. Most people taking it will realize they have some work to do. I provide the quiz at no cost because I sincerely want to help.

I’ve also developed a curated list of Probing Legacy Questions to help others initiate meaningful dialogue with those they care about most. These, too, are freely available.

Most of the inertia stems from not knowing where to turn, feeling overwhelmed, being fearful, or believing it’s not worthwhile. These are precisely the reasons why I leveraged the expertise of a famous nonfiction author to help me create my book on the subject of end-of-life planning. It’s an entertaining, quick read that motivates readers/listeners to speak with their families and plan accordingly. Believe it or not, it also includes some humour.

Over my 40-year career, I have learned that end-of-life planning is one of the greatest gifts of love.

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Greg Barnsdale is the author of the best-selling book: "Do Not Ignore Your Mortality — Practical Advice From a Funeral & Financial Insider." Greg advocates for the Death Positive Movement and lives in Kitchener, Ont., with his wife and little dog, Stella. His wife thinks he works too much. His backstory, book and much more can be found on his website.